Growing as a parent

Wonder where time has gone, since I typed my last blog? Over 4 years ago. It's funny though, as I was re-reading some of those old post, I think about how much I've grown and how so many things have change. Not to mention, misspelled words and fragments. I just laughed and read on.

Today, my children are grown, and I miss them like crazy! Being a parent of a Marine mom, it can take its toll on me. I would like to hear stories of other parents and what their thoughts may be and feelings?

I eagerly wait!

Condemnation

Condemnation means: To find wrong; to show guilt.

Who has lived with that? Ding, ding, ding! I know I have, especially on the guilt aspect. Did you know that condemnation can keep us from moving forward and exceeding into possibilities that God has for each of us? Yes, it can! I’ll be the first to tell you, it has happen to me, and it still manifest, if I allow the condemnation to enter into my way of thinking.

Early in my Christian walk I felt an enormous amount of guilt in the way I lived my live aside from God. After being married for 5 years, I had an affair with a married man. Not only did I disrupt the life of him and his family, but my life too. Forever changing the way we had lived our lives. Since then, I have moved on and put that part of my life behind me, and view that circumstance as a life changing event. That one incident was SO emotional, I had no where to go, but to God! Now I use that life changing event as part of my testimony in teaching others the importance of their decisions and commitments to others and mostly before God.

Moving on and thinking if God can forgive me, then I can forgive myself. “This should be easy”, so I thought! The condemnation lay so heavily on my heart and in my mind, I thought I was going to break; guilt was a part of my everyday life, by that time; but God carried me through it. As time passed on, I found myself deep into God’s word and learning to deal with those chooses and decisions that I had made. Knowing I could not change what had happen at that time, but only to grow and live my life to the fullest! However, I knew God loved me so much, that he gave His only begotten son, Jesus Christ,(John 3:16) to die for my sins. He carried me and showed me every step of the way, little by little. And, still is working in my life. Slowly, the changes came and the condemnation was subsiding. Feeling peace and forgiveness in my heart and knowing I have a life to fore-feel in a different way and in a different view.

Today, I would not make those same choices as I did at that time in my life. You see, I was unhappy and was out to seek anyone that would show me some type of attention; falling into the devils prey and self pity just to find myself still mangled in the middle of all that “stuff”. Just because it looks superior, doesn’t mean it is first-class. Our feelings change like the wind, coming and going. Not to be trusted. I fell into that trip because I was weak and variable. Today, I’m happy to say, Condemnation doesn’t control me as it once did. Rather I have the control over what I wish to entertain physically and mentally.
Remember, Jesus loves us just as we are.

Nor, does Jesus say come unto me when you feel unsoiled or right. The only way we are cleansed, is through the blood of Jesus Christ. We’re unable to clean ourselves, (That is foolish thinking) we are not Holly.
Break free from condemnation by trusting in Jesus Christ. All things are possible through Him.

Below please find a few scripture verses I have picked for your viewing. Enjoy!
As always:

Romans-3:8
Why not say as we are being slanderously reported as saying and as some claim that we say Let us do evil that good may result their condemnation is deserved
Romans-8:1
Therefore there is now no condemnation for those who are in Jesus Christ
Romans-8:2
Because through Jesus Christ the law of the spirit of life set me free from the law of sin and death.
2 Peter-1:2
Many will follow their shameful ways and will bring the way of truth into disrepute.
2 Pete-1:3
In their greed these teachers will exploit you with stories they have made up. Their condemnation has long hanging over them, and their destruction has not been sleeping.

PSALM 23

A Psalm of David

1 The Lord is my shepherd, I shall not be in want 2 He makes me lie down in green pasture, He leads me besides quiet waters, 3 He restores my soul. He guides me in paths of righteousness for his name’s sake. 4 Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil, for you are with me; your rod and your staff, they comfort me. 5 you prepare a table before me in the presence of my enemies. You anoint my head with oil; my cup overflows. 6 Surely goodness and love will follow me all the days of my life, and I will dwell in the house of the Lord forever.

In 2002, I did a complete study on Psalm 23; this is one of my favorite Psalms in the bible. Please note this is my own study of Psalm 23 and is not affiliated with any other studies of Psalms 23 that may have been completed by any other person(s). God speaks to each of US in his own way, if only we would allow him; it is all about a choices. God Bless!

The Lord is my shepherd (I am a sheep; sheep follow their master ‘the shepherd’ for sheep are stupid and have to following the voice of their master.) I shall not be in want (the Lord meets all my needs.) He makes me lie down in green pastures (resting through the Trails of life that make us all weary.) He leads me besides quiet waters, (Renewing my spirit. Showing me He is in control of this world and the things that take place within it.) He restores my soul. He guides me in paths of righteousness for his name sake. (God’s voice echoes through all nations). Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death (Trails and tribulations “deep in the valley”) I will fear no evil, (confident in our Father (God), and His words of wisdom to guide my path) for you are with me; (God is always with you and me, He never departs from us; it is us who makes a choice to depart from God. We believe we have everything under control and have no need of His service or love.) Your rod and your staff, they will comfort me. (The Father’s rod is an instrumental, looking towards heaven. There were miracles preformed and His hand was stretched forth to heal His people. (Could also insinuates discipline) and the staff (Like a Cain) is raise and the words spoken from Jesus, were to be written in text for our sake. The living waters “bible”) you prepare a table before me in the presence of my enemies. (Having victory over our enemies; God is protecting us.) You anoint my head with oil; my cup overflows. (Pours His blessing upon me; in abundance when we are not deserving) Surely goodness and love will follow me all the days of my life, (Goodness; God has been promised upon us as we live and follow his well and not that of our own. His love is so awesome. God is love and always will be. For example, for those of us who have children, we correct and discipline our children because we love them; and do not want them to harm themselves and or others for the sake of love.) And I will dwell in the house of the Lord forever. (I will follow the Lord; and to do the best with my abilities to service Him, while doing His well. Trusting in God and freeing myself from the ways of the world, but to dwell in His ever present.)

Fear

To be apprehensive; an uneasy feeling that something may happen contrary to one’s hopes…

Fear, that is such a BIG word, isn’t it? The letters are few, yet, the meaning of ‘Fear” is very powerful!

Often I wonder how many of us allow fear to entertain our minds and hearts. The stillness of fear is so heavy and can hinder all that God has in store for you and me. That’s right…Jude 1:23 tells us “Snatch others from the fire and save them; to others show mercy, mixed with fear – having even the clothing stained by corrupted flesh” Meaning we are not to live our lives with fear of man or what man can do to us, rather in the assurance of God, whom is Holy. God is not going to lead us in a path that he is not going to bless. Blessings become narrowed when we make decisions aside from God’s will from our lives.

Stepping out on Faith takes a great deal of trust and letting go of our fear, having no doubts takes time and understanding of God’s word. Also, remember just because it feels good, doesn’t mean it is good. So many times in my own life, when I “FELT/feels” like whatever it was I was involved with at that time was good; then it must have meant, it was, “right”? The feelings would be awesome initially, but would end up being a disaster, (Because of a simple “Feeling”) stupid thinking and action. I mean, if it feels good, then it must be good. Come-on! I would like to meet the person that started that whole “feel good” faze and ask for an example of just what that means.

Reflect back to something you were once afraid of; did it turn out as you felt? I would get myself so worked up over something, that I thought I was going to have a heart attack. Brainless, I know! But very true! Now, I’m not saying we will always be fear free, because that will not happen as long as we are living in the flesh and on this earth; we’ll always have some fear. “There is even a healthy fear, which is another story”. However, we can make a choice to live as fear free as long as we can.

Here are a couple of bible verses I found fitting:

Philippians 2:12 (NIV)-Therefore, my dear friends, as you have always obeyed-not only in my presence, but now much more in my absence, continue to work out your salvation with fear and trembling.

Revelation 14:7 (NIV) –He said in a loud voice, “Fear God and give Him glory, because the hour of His judgment has come. Worship him who made the spring of water.

Anger

Anger, ever felt/feel that way? I know I have and still do at times. Not too sure about anyone else, but I know I struggle in this area! Not acting out, takes discipline and trusting God to help you; to help us all during those "drive you mad, moments". That's right, God can help us all, if we ask and allow Him to work in each of our lives.

When I think of anger, one person comes to mind. I have a accumulation amount of anger towards this person, and I have to deal with those issues everyday! And it isn't always easy. Knowing and trusting that God will deliver me from that stronghold in his time; while teaching me to love others, NO MATTER WHAT!

First off, I am a female and tend to be a little more emotional geared than men do. (This does not excuse my behavior, in any way!) I'm accountable for my own actions and I have to answer for my behaviors/actions before God on judgment day, and there will be a judgment day, mark my words.

The most humbling experience in being humbled, is to be humble! Having to go back and apologize for my actions, whether it is my fault or not, is the right thing do; not saying it is easy, because, it is not! Apologizing took away my pride, and that is what gives each of us character! And, the sense of peace is worth it all. Others may think you're weak, but in your heart, you will know, what you did was right.

Do I always do what is right? No, and I never will…If I always did the right and noble thing, then why would we need Jesus? That would put me (us) right up there with Jesus, and I will NEVER be Jesus; I'm only forgiven for my foolish conduct.

Again, because of the choices I've made through-out life; anger is one of my strongest strongholds. My human nature wants to be in control most of the time and only pulling God out of the closet when assistance is needed. Sound all too familiar? Well, should I say it does to me! Because, that is what comes easiest to me; I’m a fixer.

Upon becoming a Christian in my 30's; God open my eyes up to things that where unbelievable and in much need of repair that God could only fix; God sharing His love with me, and showing me just how much he loves me, by forgiving me. God doesn’t want any of his children to perish, so, God will forgive us all, when we ask.

It makes me weep when I reflect back to my old life style. God begin by saying, bless those who curse you and pray for those who wrongfully use you. (Matthew 5:43-46). Very clearly, I remember saying to God, "I don't want to bless or pray for him or her; you don't know what they have done to me". Well, God reminded me in a quiet and loving way, that he forgave me for ALL, that is called "grace" and judgment is not mine, but His. (Matthew 7:1-2) Finally, over a 4 year span, I GOT THE PICTURE!

It seems like there are angry people everywhere to deal with, but God gives me and you the strength to carry on, and pray for those who don't know. My actions may be the only thing between him and her in making that right choice.
Don't get me wrong, I will always be a sinner, and will still have fits of anger to deal with. However, I know the consequences can be very deep and I try to think about my actions before hand. God will never put more on us then we can not handle. We'll always have anger issues because we are humans, it's what we do with that negative energy that makes a difference

Children

Don’t we just love our children? It’s so funny how we raise our children and prepare them for this huge world, only to find our hearts aching because of their departures. Always wanting to help our children to make the right choices in life; yet if we shelter our children, then they don’t learn from their own mistakes. I know from a mother’s standpoint view, just how hard it is to let go and trust in God to watch over them, (Our children) in all that they do. Knowing I have to show love to my children, by allowing them to flee from the nest, and go and sprit their own wings to fly and start their young lives as adults. I can’t help but think; God feels the same way about us (You and me). What an eye-opener? My heart just breaks for my children, and I never knew a deeper love, then the love for my children.

Multiple Sclerosis

Living with MS can be a bit difficult, but I wouldn’t have it any other way. I believe God give us all strength to endure whatever life throws at us; and we’re created for His good.

Although the adjustments can be one of the hardest issues to master; not that I’ve ever mastered MS, but it is a little more manageable once the concept sets in and I realized what I need not and to do, it eventually comes together.

The pain can be over whelming at times, but I'm thankful I don't have cancer! -- I know that I'm able to walk, and sometimes I need assistances in getting around, but for the most part, I do okay by myself. The main symptoms are weakness to left side of my body.

Not able to handle the heat very well, (well, my muscles). I had dreams of retiring in FL. Not now. I don’t believe my body would be able to handle the heat. I could probably live in Alaska and think I’m in Heaven, my body would anyways.

One of the first things my husband, Doug noticed, was my mind isn’t as sharp as it once was. Forgetfulness and repeating myself. Now, that is pretty much the norm in our household. My family would remind me in a nice way, if I had already made mention of something more than once. Example: I would ask Doug to repeat himself to me and not remember what he just said me.

The next symptom was muscle pain in my left shoulder and than my left leg, thinking I had a pinch nerve in my neck, and so did my PCP. After a year of testing and visiting 11 doctors’, a diagnosis of MS (Multiple Sclerosis) was giving November 20, 2007. How I was diagnosis, was with an MRI with and without contrast right along with a nice spinal tap.

My husband was with me at the time the Neurologist diagnosis me. Thank God! Because, I was starting to think it was all in my head! Well, it really is, if one stops and thinks about it. Multiple Sclerosis is a chronic neurological disorder that affects the central nervous system or CNS, comprised of the brain and the spinal cord. At first I was shocked and did not know what I was going to do and how can I move forward? Not being educated in MS was like learning to live all over again. Mad at God and wondering why? I begin to realize how wonderful life is and it is what each of us makes of our illness, likes and dislikes. God knew I could handle living with MS. He made me strong for this very reason and season in my life; to help others when they need it! MS is a blessing in many ways, if we look at it as a disease that is exactly what the disease will be. If we look at it as a blessing that is what it will be.